I wonder where I’d be without my Mothers love. Surely I’d be in a place that would be very empty. Recently my Mother was visiting from her home in California, and made a comment that kind of surprised me. She said ” I hope I didn’t do too much to screw you kids up”. I kind of laughed, but as a parent I had a feeling I knew what she meant. I told her all I remembered of her parental ways were loving, kindness, forgiveness and encouragement. It’s the truth. She always supported me and told me she was proud of me. Those were strong words especially when there have been many times when I didn’t feel like I was much to be proud of.
I have learned only a few things after 49 years, especially about parenting. Much of what I’ve grasped was from my Mother, and lately much has been from my Wife. She is the same kind of parent as my Mother is. Full of love, kindness, forgiveness and encouragement. I think that most parents go through raising kids making audible calls at the line of scrimmage. Every situation is different. You try to work on the foundational things early on, but then you have to hope and trust some of it stuck. My Mother trusted me even when I think she knew I wasn’t living up to it. It was a way of nurturing and letting me skin some knees and a heart along the way. We try to do our best, but many times I look back and wish I hadn’t said 90% of what I said. The other 10%, I wished I’d said differently!
I hope the scars my children have won’t be too deep and that somewhere along the way they’ll understand I was doing the best I knew how to do at the time. Most importantly that they know I love them always and through it all. My children’s parents divorced. That’s me, one of my biggest failures for them. It is a pain that never really stops giving. It’s always present. I missed so much, but they missed more. For that I’m sorry and couldn’t apologize enough to them. We go on. We wake up and go again. I have tried to show them that despite the holes, it doesn’t have to be the worse thing that ever happened to us. That love is bigger, and life has opportunities to make choices that will bring healing and peace.
I’m reminded of the wonderful women in my life, the examples of loving Mothers I’ve witnessed. The hearth of the home. The backbone and open arms. So now for all of you that are thinking the parties of long ago have affected my brain, I know it’s not Mothers Day. But I think there’s no time like the moment to tell the Mothers in my life, that I love them.