Around 5pm this afternoon, I will have circled the sun 56 times. Maybe that’s why I’ve always been fond of suppertime ! And evening is my favorite time of the day. It all adds up in my mind for sure.
This is an interesting season for sure. Naturally whatever stage we are in we have never been in it before. As with most things we can only truly understand things from experience. This season has brought heaviness. It has brought mortality into very sharp focus. What once was a blurry concept now sits at the door waiting its turn in our lives. I have 2 dogs circling for home. A parent going through tough challenges. Friends parents passing, friends themselves. You hear the stories all the time. We take youth and the assumptions that tomorrow is going to be there for us with way too much liberty. The worst part is that it effects how we treat today. The present.
With all of that circling around my head, it makes me much more aware of the moment. Of the breath. Of the heart. Of thankfulness of which there is so much of.
Circles begin and close everyday. The tides pull and the moon is affected. We are all connected to everything. So, here on this cold day in Tennessee, I will pray thankfulness for the cold, the rain and the perfect imperfection of the universe. I am happy to be here, to learn, to forgive, to be forgiven, to build more bridges and tear down walls in my world.
So Creator, when you see the smoke of my Cedar and Sage rise this morning, know it is me. Know my humble heart beneath my ego. Know my love for this earth I stand on. And know that I do try to be, what I say I want to be.
I write this thinking of my Father. Of a friend that lost her Mother unexpectedly last year. I write it with Glen Frey on my heart. Of Merle Haggard and how much music is attached to our souls. We all must pass, and it is my only way of understanding is that there is something after. And while pearly gates and streets of gold don’t connect with me, I know the soul never dies, and there is a home on the other side of our reality here. But today I say” Good Morning Universe, How are Ya !” I’m glad to be here !
Be good to yourselves and to those around you.
Aho and Amen !
This probably isn’t so much a post on spirituality as it is on life or getting older. I was raised to think of others or at least care what others think. As I ran that through my life filters, I perhaps created it into something that it wasn’t intended to be. I worried what others thought too much. At some point I had to let that go. For years I tried with effort to let it go but I still felt trapped by those thoughts. As I’ve become older I’ve had little tastes of what letting go really means to me. I couldn’t do it with effort as much as I just had to divest myself from that thinking. Perhaps think of other things and the more I did that the more I just forgot about the other stuff !
I’ve always felt a connection to the Creator. I wouldn’t define that within any religious system, but rather an undeniable sense of something beating in my soul. As I wander along I am feeling that the big truth is in many, many small things, like prisms in glass. Slivers of truths, all equally important for each individual. I can no longer confine the Creator to only my thoughts or anyone else’s thoughts. To no religions, traditions or cultures. None own the truth in its entirety, but we all own a piece of the truth that belongs to our soul. I believe the Creator shows up everywhere in everything.
For now I am still way too hungry to have my voice heard. Too hungry to be right. Too hungry to own all of the truth. I hope my future stages will have me letting go of that hunger, and leave me just basking in the peace and comfort of knowing that my honesty and vulnerability with the Creator is enough.
I’m sure many will disagree with these thoughts. Some will be worried for my soul. Some will think I’ve gone off the deep end. Some will think I am right on track, but really none of it should matter to me. My road is mine, just as yours is yours. I hope we all reach a point where we are so comfortable with our beliefs, that not only do we need to be shouting them but that we also don’t have a desire for the praise or need to defend the criticism.
At some point I hope to just be.
Today in Nashville it’s 76 degrees. We’ve not really had any cold weather yet, save for a few nights right around freezing. For years now as I’ve lived away from the ever present home of my heart on Florida’s Gulf Coast, I’ve played beach playlists on the stereo and pulled books off the shelf that would magically transport me back home.
Home to lazy, sunny, salty air days, with the clanking of the mainsails in the distance. Home to longboards, shrimp boats and street names that are as much a part of my memories as my family. Names like Cervantes, DeSoto, Innerarity Point. Places like Wolf Bay, Perdido Key and the Sugar Bowl. Places to grab a grouper sandwich by the Gulf, drink a cold beer and watch life pass by from the eagle eye view of paradise.
A place where some can’t wait to leave and can’t explain why they long to return. A place where some never leave and very few feel trapped. A little strip of earth, of sugar white sands, tanned laughing children, and the presence of God drifting and dipping with the effortless sea gull. To America’s first settlement. To the land of the Muscogee Creeks and Panzacola Indians. To my forefathers and a place my children are spiritually tied to with the loose moorings of love.
Here I am in Nashville. a wonderful city, but it just ain’t home. It will be a long winter, if those Buffett playlists are already gracing the sounds of my house. Hopefully I can hold off the lure of home, until my usual winter migration to touch the sand and take deep breaths of heaven.